I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I smell stomach acid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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