i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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