everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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