Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
