you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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