Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
