More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
