my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
