i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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