hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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