Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
