YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
