Yo dont text me then not text me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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