I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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