I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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