She is in my trunk
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
