He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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