The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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