if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize