we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had sex on a roof
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
