omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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