Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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