Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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