I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
