So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
