You work out of a Hotel?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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