If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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