My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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