Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
