I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
