9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
