Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There are leaves in my underwear?
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