i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
