My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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