dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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