Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
