I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
