Define "chronic" masturbator.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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