It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
