where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
