WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
