And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
