I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
