the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
