I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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