Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
