in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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