is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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