Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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