And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
