I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize