Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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