Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
