the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
