threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
