took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
