Me. At least after what I've been through.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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