You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
