she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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