people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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