Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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