Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
