you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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