"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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