New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
