A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
