So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
