so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
