So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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