When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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