If i come over, it means nothing
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
