pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think my vagina is haunted
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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