Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
