found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
