Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
