I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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