dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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