I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
