I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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