New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
