I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
